I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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