I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
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I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
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I'm just so full of love and alcohol
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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