Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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