he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
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I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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