I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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