you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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