I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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