lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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