Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
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did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
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My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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