oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
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plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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