I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
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I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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