Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
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spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
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He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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