I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
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I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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