At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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