he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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