I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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