No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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