I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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