I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize