hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize