That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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