I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
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the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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