Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize