i think my tv is drunk
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
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By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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