Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize