Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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