Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize