Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
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Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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