what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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