ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize