Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
That's when you crack a 10am beer
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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