He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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