Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
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If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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