It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
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At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
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your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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