So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
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DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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