bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize