I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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