You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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