forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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