she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
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Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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