Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize