wat bout pragnant strippers??
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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