I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
