I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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