Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
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great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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