Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize