I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
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iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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