I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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