Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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