I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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